So i finished writing this post, and then reread it, and realized that it was really inconsistent. I was thinking of deleting it, but then decided that it might be worth keeping, i should just put a disclaimer on it. I was going to add that at the end, but that feels like a trick, so up to the front it goes. to make up for the patchiness of it i have a music recommendation.
Go listen to Jason Collett ‘here’s to being here’. The BSSer channels the Band, the good songs of Wings, and the Traveling Willburries. It’s a tight album that makes you wish that you had a 1986 ford crown victoria, your friends, perpetual 3 o’clock spring sunlight, an old road map with no destination in mind. It makes you think of the days that love feels right, that moment while it’s still new.
I’ve been listening to Tegan and Sara ‘the con’, which in it’s own right is an album worth checking out, but it plays through and the next album on my itunes is That Dog ‘Retreat from the sun’. Anna Waronker’s mid 90s indy pop band. I loved this album right after high school. it makes me think of the time i spent languishing in community college. Waronker worked with weezer on ‘i just threw out the love of my dreams’. Anyway, fun songs, great harmonies, plus violin. She has a knack of singing ‘you’ and ‘me’ in a way that makes you wish it was about you. Another thing from that time period is ‘Mission Hill’ the cartoon series. definitely worth a look.
And something a little different musically. Amnesty’s ‘Free your mind’. the bands only full length recording from 1973. It is a funky exploration into the groove. It never feels rushed, it just builds and builds. It is, without a doubt, a complete album worth listening to in its entirety, although you may have heard the title track on the ‘cold heat’ compilation from a couple years back. If you like ozomatli (they have great live shows) this will be right up your alley, this is how it was done. near perfect.
so here’s the original post.
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Life is life. it is an astounding thing that makes the world interesting. My life as of late has been interesting at points, boringly tedious at others. It makes for a dynamic experience.
Most of my days have been spent at school. In fact i am hard pressed to think of the last time that i wasn’t at school, even briefly. It’s hard to avoid it when it is the only thing that i have in my life up here, away from my life down there(somewhere else). All the people i know, all the things that i do, stem from the academic system i am integrated with. So i am, and have been, at school every single day, since god knows when, probably the last 3 or 4 weeks. That is until i leave. So the year so far has been either me not being anywhere for more than 3 days in a row, to me being only one place for far too long. That, i suppose, is some balance. Sort of like staying up for 3 days in a row, then sleeping for 18 hours. however, what i want instead is maybe the weekends off, the time to go be me where i need that to happen. Like a normal 8 hour sleeping pattern (i will never have a normal sleeping pattern, at least not as far as i can tell, but i did want to finish the analogy to life and sleeping that i started).
But for as tired (read: exasperated) as i am with being in this situation, I’m not sure that i’d do it differently. I get nervous excitement from having this ridiculous life. Waking up, teaching, art, trying to figure out love, everything. I feel like i never want to close my eyes, because even in the still quiet moments, I might miss something.
i want to talk about a lot of different things, but i keep talking about love, about falling in like with someone, about how that permeates the everything of everything i know. But right now, it feels like it has frozen. Not gone cold, just not moved from any point noteworthy to write about. And maybe that is something to write about. I have not seen or interacted in a meaningful way with either my other or with ini. Scratch that, there just haven’t been that many in such a seemingly long amount of time. My days are filled with other people and other things, activities that feel repetitive. I truly believe that i painted a door, the same door, 5 days in a row. I have been to home depot more than 3 times a week for the last 4 weeks. I am dulled. All the days have bled together and it takes a surprisingly large amount of thought to figure out what day of the week it is. Blah! I just bored myself.
So that is sort of the point, I want to start to alter the direction of some of the posts, so as not to get stiff and repetitive. But i am almost certain that they will all end up back to the original thrust in some round about way.
And with that, something new.
I believe in retail therapy. It makes me happy to buy something and enjoy it and figure out how to make it a part of my daily life. So i recently bought an ipod touch. It’s fun. i can go online if i can get a signal. It has enough space for me to listen to what i need to listen to. it’s fancy in a way that the normal ipod isn’t, i think due in part to the ubiquitous existence of the normal ipod. and it let’s me check my email. I was going to wait it out until they added some sort of camera option, but i found a great deal on it, and i had sold some art, and i figured that the camera would be crappy and i’d have to carry a higher quality camera anyway, that i bought it. It’s pretty awesome. But it renders my other one useless. so now i have too many things that are overlapping in their functional usefulness to me. I have some redundancies. It seems like i do this a lot. I have more cameras than i know what to do with. And to top it off i take lots and lots of bad pictures. I am going to buy a new computer, even though my current one works really well (i am still thinking this over and have yet to commit). I used to have 3 of the same backpack, albeit different years. And i thought to myself that having 3 backpacks was ridiculous, so i gave my 2 older ones to people that needed them. But there is a pattern there.
I leave this place i’m at in 5 days, and they are going by like some torturous trickle. I have never been on a vacation before that did not require me to do anything. I tend to take vacations that make me work harder. I like that, it makes me feel good, it makes me feel like i am accomplishing something. I am going on a trip where all my time will be leisure time, and i’m not sure how well i will do with that. i have this bold plan to bring books and read as much as possible, but the thought of that makes my skin crawl. To me that seems like closing my eyes. I want them open, i want to not miss anything.
