So i had a quick little flurry of posts going for a moment it feels. It was nice to get into a rhythm of making a new entry. fun to force myself to find something to write about. I am not there yet with this post. I am going on a vacation in a few short hours, and it feels like i deserve it. The last 10 weeks have been some of the most arduous moments in succession that i have ever experienced. It has left me physically and mentally, and visually, tired. I have had a hard time concentrating. I had been thinking about too many things in too short a time span. I have had a hard time finding a normal sleep pattern, or even rewarding sleep. I look like all these things are taking their toll on me. even now, i am not asleep, even though i could be, should be.
But i wanted to write something to you. something to tell you not to forget me. I feel like if i turned the corner, i would disappear from your life. It is irrational. and it reveals my insecurities in a way that makes me insecure. It exposes the fact that i need you in my life, and i am afraid of not being able to have that happen. I don’t know if it really is better to have loved and lost. I sort of believe the other old adage that ignorance is and more than likely bliss. but then it conjures the conundrum of being too dumb to appreciate your own ignorance, or too smart to know that you’re missing out on simplicity.
When i come back there will be new elements added to this blog that i will try to incorporate.
In a few moments i will be back again, but for now sleep. think about me as i think about you. maybe we can be together in our twilight dreams.
March 15, 2008 at 6:54 am |
god how I wish I could drop it all now and leave for a relaxing vacation somewhere special. going far from here may not be an option for some time. got up 3 times with her last night and the bed over there is not going to do me any favors. like being in a daze so much so that if a train hit me, I would’nt notice or feel it. how do we compare on that score? if someone had what appears to be some strong feelings towards me, like they one’s you have for someone described here..
I’d say bring it out in the open, bring it here and let’s see how it goes. Of course that would be the start of the friendship phase.
have a wonderful vacation!
March 23, 2008 at 3:34 pm |
screw the laundry, grocery shopping, cleaning the mess you left behind, and blah blah blah about your trip with those others. get your little self on here and start writing. You hear me?!?!?!?!!
March 24, 2008 at 12:20 am |
@ippy – i’ve been in that train hitting stage. numb to the world because of some self inflicted journey towards arduousness. Nothing ever left to moderation. often i feel like i am at my best when i have the chance to be at full bore. either engrossed in my work or engrossed in my laziness. I am afforded a selfish life, so that works for me, for now. i know better than to think that i can exist like some sort of man-child forever. It, i suppose adulthood is what i am speaking of, is quickly crowding in on me. I am not as juvenile as i may make myself out to be, i am definitely youthful, not juvenile. And i have been adultish for quite some time now, but still there is something about being done with school once and for all, and being put in a position that i have viewed as something so far away and exclusive to older people.
i have exposed my feelings to the girl in question. I have been upfront and honest about my feelings towards her, about what i write about her, about it all. I have done things that i feel are forward. And i am equally as curious about what will transpire as we move through time. There are many things happening, and i’m excited to jump back into my life. my vacation has been wonderful (thanks), but i’m ready to return from it.
@IPPSIE- i just got back and i’m working on something lickity split. definitely in a day or two. i’ve neglected laundry and food and tidiness, my memory of those others is quickly fading, and i’m hearing you.
soon.