Listen to the things we can hear. Watch the things we can see.

musica-

so among other things i recently received, i just got the new cold war kids ‘loyalty to loyalty’ Their first album was pretty good, it had some strong single tracks, along with some songs that were a bit lack luster. But what they did have when things were working as well as possible, was a great sound that didn’t sound overly orchestrated yet not trendily stripped down to some bare bones. If i had to equate it to something, there was a late sixties sound along the lines of the kinks or the doors. but i don’t. so while they have an old sort of sound underlying a lot of their songs, there is something more contemporary than that. There is a more danceable cadence to it all. So this new album does away with the not so good songs and replaces them with all pretty good quality songs, lots of jangly reverbed guitars, clean tight drumming and a throbbing bass line. The vocals have a whiny quality to them, but don’t let it put you off, it is not at all annoying. I think a lot of that has to do because he seems to know his range and keeps his voice in check and uses it rather adeptly. The songs are catchy and don’t feel like fluff, there is a nice seriousness to the sound that cold war kids have, and i expect them to get better and better with each new release. Keep your ears tuned to this group and give a listen to ‘loyalty to loyalty’ its a good album that crosses a lot of moods and is a success from start to finish.

My Morning Jacket has been a longtime favorite of mine. They always put together interesting albums, ‘Z’ probably being their most popular, although i’m sort of torn between Z and ‘at dawn’. Their new album ‘Evil Urges’ isn’t really a retread of what they do, nor is it a departure. All the things that make the bands albums so good, the vocals, the guitar, the southern inflection, is all intact. Some tracks veer around, but not at all in a bad way, every bit of this album is interesting and fun to listen to. The title track is a great song, it seems to go in a lot of directions but makes everything work. There is a great pacing to their songwriting, long enough to get into, but not enough to lose the listener. maybe highly suspicious is a throw away song, but i think it works in the context of the whole album, just throwing us a curve ball, but it won’t end up on any mixes anytime soon for me.


but even great albums end up with a song or two that aren’t nearly as good as the rest. case in point, Feist’s Sea Lion Woman on her Reminder album is a track worth skipping. And reading other reviews of MMJ’s evil urges, i’m reminded of the reviews of Wilco’s Sky Blue Sky. It’s hard to come out with an album that will be as critically acclaimed and well received as Yankee Foxtrot Hotel, but sky blue sky is great in its own right. And i think MMJ are in a similar territory with this new album.


And in case you didn’t know every album in those last 2 paragraphs need to be in your music collection already. go get them if you don’t have them. and just to clarify there were 6 albums mentioned.




Let’s change the pace a bit. Raphael Saadiq just came out with a fantastic new album ‘The Way I See It’. Saadiq has been making music for a while and was a part of tony toni tone in the 80s and early 90s, and later was a part of lucy pearl along with dawn from en vogue and ali shaheed muhammad form a tribe called quest around 2000. All along the way he had been a solo artist in his own right. A solid singer songwriter who has worked with the top artists in the neo soul/ r&b / hip hop genre. He had a great album with ‘instant vintage’. But oh my god!!! this new one ‘the way i see it’ is so perfect an album. It is everything that music needs to be. This is on par with marvin and al. I cannot tell you enough how good this is. I want so bad to see him perform after this album. I’m a huge fan of the heyday of soul, and i feel that this album is a great thing that has its hands rooted firmly in that sound, making no bones about referring back to it, yet feels way ahead of what R&B has been offering up for the last 10+ years. GO BUY THIS NOW.


and if you liked this go pick up some DAP tone records, notably Sharon Jones and the Dap kings ‘100 days & 100 nights’


And maybe you saw the MTV video awards. at the end of the show Kanye did a new song off his upcoming album ‘808s & heartbreaks’. The song ‘love lockdown’ was great, and will soon suffer from being overplayed, so listen to it now, get sick of it, ditch it, then listen to it in a few years and enjoy it all over again. Kanye, all his antics aside, is a great producer and makes great tracks. He has a good sense of what sounds good and is really honing in on the things that are a part of the time. And i think the most interesting thing about kanye is that he understands that he is less an artist that is recording and documenting culture, and more an artist that is actually creating culture.


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so that’s a bunch of music that hopefully will sound interesting somebody other than me.


Television-


I don’t have cable where i’m at, so that is a real bummer, and i really love TV. I think that it is an infinitely interesting medium. More so than movies at time. TV has to work in the limitations of time frame, censorship, and the need to span 20 or so episodes and multiple seasons. Movies have the grandeur and flash and the ability to not have to keep your attention past the run of the movie. TV shows have to be interesting enough to keep you tuned in to the end, but enough to make you come back next week or next season. and on top of that it has to be accessible for everyone, nothing too esoteric. and since i try to write as much as i can, i think that pursuing writing a television show is in my future at some point . anyway, new fall shows, new fun. by the way, i tape my shows at my cousins and watch them there.


So the office is back and is as good as it ever was. But really, talking about this one and how good it is, is like talking about breathing. there’s really no need to as long everything is happening the way it should, and there is no surprise that anyone is watching it.


I’m super excited about the return of 30 rock. it is one of the best written, zaniest shows ever. It is on the same level as the adventures of pete and pete, the venture brothers, and arrested development. I think that the daringness to push the limitations of what is sane, and present us with some really crazy situations and off the wall comedic riffs, is a hard thing to do right, and 30 rock does it great. everything about this show is made to make us laugh, and it works. where shows like the office tug on the sentiments of being so heartbreakingly realistic, 30 rock goes the other direction and pushes the surreal into a viable TV pacing.


Along with these shows ‘my name is earl’ comes back as well. I really feel that this ship has sailed. It does have it’s funny moments, no denying that, and everyone involved is excellent. But there is something too sappy about the show, and it made itself really evident last season. And i know that the premise of the show is about the guy redeeming himself through being a better person, but it feels too close to an afterschool special and too preachy at times. I find myself skipping this show more often than not.


But then a show like ‘how i met your mother’ in all its predictable-ness is enjoying. Maybe it has to do with the fact that i am the same age as the people that are in the show. I guess i’m a yuppy now. But the key to the show has to be how well everyone works together on that show, and more so, neil patrick harris is amazing on it. It’s not groundbreaking by any means, really just a bit of a friends retread, but it is fun to watch. and the new show ‘worst week’ is off to a fun start, although i don’t know how long i could watch an otherwise likable guy keep messing up in front of the inlaws, it was done pretty successfully in ‘meet the parents’. but i’ll tune in and see how it goes.


And i have yet to watch the new season of ‘the new adventures of old christine’ but that show is always fun to watch.


And another returning show is ‘Life’. The first season was a great watch that took an interesting take on the police style drama. each episode self contained yet expanding on a larger story. It is well written and witty. I’m excited to see this come back, hopefully it will find a groove that it can fit into and will be around for a few seasons. Plus the lead actress, sarah shahi, is beautiful, not that that would be reason enough to watch a show, it’s just nice to see multicultural people in the public eye redefining the ideas of aesthetics.


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libros-


I just picked up Chuck Klosterman’s new novel ‘downtown owl’. And while i haven’t had time to start reading it, it should be good. Klosterman is a great writer that has a natural ease and playfulness to his words. Sex drugs and cocopuffs was great, all the stuff he’s written for spin and esquire was great, in fact i kept all my spins that he had articles in for a long time just so i could reread his essays. So i’m really interested in finding out how he does with writing fiction. as soon as i get around to cracking it open i’ll let you know.


I love taschen art books! ART NOW (volumes 1 & 2) are great surveys of contemporary art, i’m super excited about the upcoming release of art now vol 3. one day i hope i’m in an art book. I’m working on my cool portrait that goes in the corner of the page i’ll be on. haha. But tashcen is great because they often sell a rereleased version of their books for a discounted price (usually 10-15 dollars) I just picked up terryworld and architecture now for super cheap at the local big name bookstore. check out their website and look through what they offer, it’s all top notch stuff. you won’t be disappointed.


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comida-



I have been on an indian and thai kick recently. nothing more to say really, just that it is so good. mmmmm curry, naan, pad see yew, thai iced tea. mango lassi.


and now i’m thinking greek food sounds good


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that’s a bunch of stuff that is hanging out in my life right now. enjoy.

hold it up, you’ve lost enough.

i’m really glad that school is starting back up.


I know that it really never stopped, and that i didn’t get that much time off, but this is the start of a new academic year and there is a palpable level of excitement in the air. There seems to be more life occurring in this place. maybe it’s because i was here when no one else was here, so the difference is noticeable.


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I have a tooth ache. it’s not really in pain, it’s just acting all sensitive, and i’ve never really had that happen before so it is noticeably annoying.


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So i have had a lot of time to myself. lots of time to think and pretend and wish and hope and sober up to reality and sober up to the fact that what i think and pretend isn’t reality. I’ve been thinking a lot of my situation for the past year or two. I think that because this feels like a new start, the past becomes imbued with a feeling of fiction. Not that i don’t think that it was real, it just feels so make believe. Like it was almost a lifetime ago. suffice to say i have had little contact with anyone involved. maybe the reality is that i have had little contact with anyone that was connected to the last 2 years of my life. It’s like they all stopped existing, but it feels like there is something missing. I miss these people.


and now, now i am in a place that was only worthwhile because of the company, because of the friends i made, and mainly because i felt close to a girl. I wanted to be here to be with her, and now she’s gone and i am trying to understand this place in a way that might allow me some happiness while i am here. And to clarify it isn’t bad, it just isn’t good. So i have a desire for it to become good.


But ini, I don’t know how that ended up. I’m still waiting for the denouement. maybe it’s like people were saying, that this is the sign that i’m looking for, that this is her reaction. i don’t know. i don’t want to be delusional, but i don’t want to give up hope either. I think that at the end of it all, i want to believe that there is the potential for something that can be lasting, not at all a flash in the pan, so i keep that in the back of my head, and i refuse to concede that anything is over, it’s just always in progress.


i want to hear her voice. she speaks so softly and the words pour out of these pretty lips i can’t help but stare at them and connect the two, so as to form a memory that could last forever.




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i got a bunch of new music that i’d like to share with you


from the archives.


i went through some cds of yore and downloaded them onto my computer (which is new, but recent rumblings of a new mac coming out make me want to get a new newnewer one). The first is Leona Naess ‘Comatised’. I dug her up because i saw that she had a new album out on itunes. this disc from 1999 holds up pretty well for being 9 years old. She is a folky rock singer, heavy on the reverbed acoustic guitars, and has a wonderful voice. In the vein of feist and new buffalo, she is a great songwriter and performer. I won’t promise that it will blow your mind, but it’s a nice record and her last one was pretty good too. I think that her newest one has been getting good reviews but i have yet to pick it up. Anyway, comatised shows no signs of being too dated and fits very well in the music landscape right now.



I don’t know if i’ve talked about this one before. Orbital ‘in sides’. I used to be so into electronic music way back when, and this album was awesome, particularly ‘the box’. everything about this song builds and builds and becomes more complex resulting in this catastrophic yet very melodic wall of sound. + it makes use of being recorded in stereo. the entire album plays out this way. there is nothing too difficult about any of the songs, good beats, good breaks, catchy tunes. orbital makes serious music fun, they are much more palatable than the orb, and not as obnoxious as the crystal method or chemical brothers (but they were of different styles so…). I loved this album and would play it all the time. It goes well with a booming sound system or being played a little bit more softly and just chilling out with it.


Next on the wayback machine is Moby ‘Early Underground’. This is a collection of moby’s early house tracks way before he made play and became ultra annoying by talking and being someone people want to hear talk. This dates back to 1993 if that helps any. I remember picking this up brand new. The house and rave scene was at its peak, and these songs were the epitome of getting out there and dancing. A lot of stuff from that time is emberrassing to look at and listen to. This however was alright. It’s been years since i listened to this and it had a lot of memories attached to it, but more objectively the songs were good. try to find this and give it a listen, if you’re old like me this might make you nostalgic, if you’re young it might make you wish that moby was better than people give him credit for now-an-days.



New Stuff


Kings of Leon were on SNL last weekend and did an amazing job. their new album titled ‘Only by the Night’ was just released and they keep with the thing that makes them so amazing, foot stomping and rousing songs. This time around it seems like the songs are soaring a lot more often than previously, maybe it’s a sign of their getting older. This is a great album GO GET IT NOW! KOL needs more listeners and more people into them, i’m hoping to elevate musical tastes, and this is a good one for the cause.


And a new TV on the Radio record ‘Dear Science,’ just came out. They can be a difficult band to get into, but are well worth the listening investment. This album is more of an up tempo album than cookie mountain. a lot easier to get into this one, if you haven’t heard TVOTR start of with dear science and work your way backwards. their first album was some strange doowop prog thing that i enjoyed, but i have to sort of say it like i’m asking myself as much as i am telling you. But this one is coming together pretty nicely and i have listened to it a couple times on some long drives, it keeps me interested and excited throughout the whole album, nothing too wandering or meandering into obscure musical territory.

I have a bunch more music to review, and other stuff as well. next post. + the return of catagories!

a list

normally i’m pretty positive. and this by no means means i’m negative. or pessimistic for that matter. it just means that i have preferences. i believe it’s better to have bad taste than no taste at all. so here is a list of things that i just don’t like and maybe some coherent reasons as to why.



1. mens express v neck tshirts with fancy prints- well, there is something about these style of shirts. i think it has a lot to do with the people who generally wear them. and it’s not me generalizing an entire group of people (i know, i am), i’m just using ubiquitous tropes to help convey my ideas. anyway, the prepackaging of culture is a terrible thing. sort of the way everything works i know, but these shirts seem to be the epitome of some sort of faux sense of personal style. the shirts just feel so watered and pretend. and right now we are at the precipice of them losing their potency of fakeness. let me explain. the shirts are now so normal and part of the status quo that new people have a regular relationship with them. the shirts are the way things have always been. and soon no one will know what i’m talking about. but really it’s not the shirts per se, it’s just shirts right now. who knows what it will be tomorrow.



2. the death of boxing- i don’t understand why people continue to talk about the death of boxing in the wake of mixed martial arts like the ufc. I understand the allure of MMA. it really allows different styles to come together and see which is the best. and as a kid wishing i was a ninja, that’s pretty much what i thought about. and i took very traditional karate for 10 years, so i understand the desire to see how styles exist compared to one another. so i get MMA, a lot. but maybe it’s that training that i had that makes me see MMA as being sort of boring (i get into the fights don’t get me wrong), and finding myself being drawn back to boxing while everybody else is walking away from it. Boxing has less going on, but it’s in that simplicity, use your fists to punch the other person from the waist up until you knock them out and don’t forget to block, that makes it so perfect. There’s nothing else to it, no armbars, choke outs, sprawls, takedowns, kicks, knees , elbows, whatever else. there’s a reason it’s called the sweet science. watch it. there’s no more of the spectacle, it’s just back to basics and you can see some level of perfection.

3. free samples.- i know that free samples seems like a good idea, and it is on the part of the seller. and sometimes it’s fun to get samples. and it’s especially true and easier when those free samples are through the mail. but the thing i’m talking about is the instances when you walk through the food court at the mall and people offer you samples. maybe i’m paranoid but i get a sense of the people handing out the samples looking annoyed if you sample it and don’t buy. so then i ultimately have this looming guilt of taking the sample. when i was a kid, we would go to the mall and there was a chic-fil-a that would hand out samples, and i remember the lady getting mad at me and my sister for getting their pieces of toothpicked chicken. She would say that she couldn’t give us any because we weren’t with our mom. i always have resented that. haha. so now free samples don’t seem so free to me, they are so laden with guilt and obligation and manipulation. but the truth is i still usually take them.

4. Everybody is a winner.- there is a climate of no one ever losing. i feel that it is more directed towards the youth. but it seems more and more that kids are being told that they are doing great. and i think that is fine when it is deserved. but the world needs losers. if everybody wins nobody wins. and so i am seeing the effects of this attitude manifest itself in college students. This makes itself evident in two ways. one- people are afraid of failure. they have no desire to put themselves in situations that failure can be a real option. and the idea of nothing ventured nothing gained is losing its potency because they feel satisfied with mediocrity. two- people feel that what they do is good and that they are beyond improvement. they are reluctant to take criticism, and i think that getting any criticism is connected to their failure, that they are perfect already. and as a teacher this is so difficult to overcome (and i understand that these kids in college are primed to be elite and given more opportunities at succeeding than other people). but i am the voice of authority in the class, i am the expert, and really i don’t know much. But why take a class if you don’t want to learn, are you looking for a pat on the back and a ‘good job!’ ? i’m here to teach as much as i can and i can’t do that if people aren’t willing to learn. then once they do sort of realize that i know what i’m talking about they often don’t take the risks needed to improve. I tell my class that i would rather have them in the most spectacular fashion rather than maintain mediocrity. but those words are easy and attempting it is hard. but really, greatness only comes when there is a real winner and a real loser.


5.flys- the bug. i don’t like flys. they are annoying and i could do without them existing.


6. the heat- i don’t like it when it’s hot because it means that it’s not cold. you can always put on warmer clothes, but when it’s hot there is nothing you can do. you can only take off so many articles of clothing and either way it doesn’t really help, the only way to get away is by going swimming, which is fun, but you can’t do it all the time.


7.myspace- myspace was fine for a while, but ugh it’s so bloated with everything that it takes forever to load on my computer, and it’s so annoying. i don’t care about the bots and the crazy things people post and the drama, i can deal with all that, it’s just the load time. but really that’s old news i guess.


one more


8. idontknow- there’s so much to say. so many other things and i can’t think of any one thing in particular. i don’t want to keep going on endlessly . i want to think of fun things.



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Fleet Foxes “fleet foxes” is a great album. it sounds like walking through the wooded mountains in the fall. it is like looking at the moss in the sunlight. go out of your way to get this album. it is tragic and uplifting in the same breath. if you like band of horses or pet sounds or my morning jacket, then you should have heard this by now, but if not then go hear it.

whew! a week off to do nothing.

finally school is out! i’m taking this week off to let my mind wander and give myself a moment to rest before it all starts over again. And and and i did a bunch of stuff that makes me feel good about going back. I totally organized my class so now it will be the way i want it at the start and not a huge mess. Then i took the time to clean my apartment. normally i just clean my room, the bathroom, and the kitchen, but i took time to clean up the other room and the living room. and soon i will have a tv and a real table. not really that great because i don’t have cable and don’t get any reception, and i don’t cook or have chairs. and more to the point i don’t know how much longer i have in my place because it’s under my friends name and the situation is more complex than that. sort of crazy. but anyway clean house and clean class (not really clean just organized). so because i was in such a mood i went through and totally rearranged my studio. now it’s using the space more efficiently. i happen to have the largest studio where i’m at, but i have so much stuff it looks cramped. so my effort is to make it feel roomier. i think it worked. but i still have some stuff to get rid of. then i will feel ultra ready. and on top of that i have 5 canvases i built ready for painting, and supplies to build 3 more, plus one that is built but still needs to be stretched. so i feel ready to do things.


and my hair is growing.


i generally just shave my head. i’m sort of lucky because i have a nice round head that doesn’t look strange or have weird bumps. at least not that i know of. but im growing my hair. i don’t know how long it will last but i’m pretty committed to it right now.

so life feels like it is in order. i feel like i can take a breath of air and let it out worry free (for now). plus the air is nice and cold so it feels good in my lungs.




yeah,… i have some stuff to talk about and this feels more random and ranting, not focused enough to put down here.

a list for the next post. then the other stuff. and now that i have more time, that should mean less waiting for the time to write them.

O.A.I.B. part 4

so this is the thing that i was trying to figure out how to approach writing about.


the fact of the matter is that there was nothing really to write much about. everything that occurred was an internal activity for me, and seldom included anyone else. but enough preposition, on with what it was i should be on with.

so the last post i wrote about ini specifically had something to do with the most beautiful eyes. and something to do with getting closer to getting further. i knew then that our time within the same localized area was coming to an end within the week. she was on her way back home, it turned out that this was not the place for her. this was just a place that she knew that she didn’t want to be, or couldn’t be at the moment. it was a detrimental place that felt so severely limited and closed off to being anything other than what it is. i can only surmise that this is how she felt because we talked about it, and i knew the feeling. i felt (still feel) this way about this place. this prison paradise was a hard place to be. endlessly beautiful in its scenic majesty, but terribly ugly in its singular existence. I want to get away too. but i’ve managed to not go mad and figure out a strange life that feels okay to live in. and i think it’s because i spent a good portion of my early 20s relatively alone. alone in a way that helps deal with the lack of interaction and the overwhelming silence that pervades this place. but for the sake of clarity, the silence that i talk about is not actual silence, but more something akin to a cacophonous din that makes no sense and leaves you with no choice but to try not to listen.



but she was going soon. whatever reasons she had. she was leaving. and our time was coming to an end.


i discovered my feelings for her early on once we had the opportunity to meet and talk. There was nothing more than just thinking that she was an amazing girl so full of the qualities i find attractive. it was innocent enough. we were both sort of the same. and opportunities arose where we had the chance to spend time together. it was such a blur. that was almost 2 years ago. but we would spend time talking and hanging out, writing back and forth to one another on a very regular basis. summer came along and we knew we would see each other once we both returned and that we would talk over the course of the 3 months away.


we came back together and resumed where we had left off. Not ever anything more than just being friendly and close. I still maintain that i had no hope but to fall for her the way that i did. How can you not want to be with someone you spend time with and feel like you understand and amazingly enough, understands you and can tolerate you. those few months leading up to the end of the year instilled my heart with such a feeling of contentment that i couldn’t hold back any longer. and i wonder how things might be if i had.


i don’t regret admitting my feelings towards her. i just wonder why things happened the way they did. we had become so much a part of one another’s life, well maybe her for mine, and i’m not too certain of me to hers. And i admit i went about some things in the wrong manner, that i should have been more forthcoming. and maybe that’s where i went wrong.


and we went from being a major part of each other’s days, to having sporadic moments of interaction. But she was also in the process of dealing with other issues, so i am pretty sure that her not wanting to hang out with me had more to do with a lot of other things, more so than not wanting to hang out with me. And that condensed version gets us to a point where we have overlapped the beginning of this entire blog.




i knew she was leaving soon. i had known for a long enough time. i didn’t want to let her leave without being able to say and do the things i felt i needed to say and do.


I had admitted on numerous occasions my feelings for her, and i never expected an answer back. and for whatever reason i never really got one. but i held on to the hope that somewhere inside her she felt similarly. i still have that hope. right now, while i am typing, my heart aches from wanting her and feeling at a loss of knowing what to do to change it all.


and as we approached her departure date, we made plans to see one another. a moment for our friends to say goodbye to each other. i honestly was only concerned with seeing her.


in my head, as we went through that last week, i conjured up scenarios as to what i would say once i had the chance to say the things i thought of. i imagined quiet interactions that required closeness and a more intimate exchange. and i also thought of bold grandiose romantic displays, that would put myself in the public spectacle (because so much of what we had done was more personal, hence the anonymity involved with this blog; partly cathartic through revelation and partly documentary). But either of those felt forced and desperate.


and i was neither. i had/have things i need to say, but i’m in no rush. She has been well aware of my feelings towards her, there was no secret there.


so we met one last time before she left for good. we had a moment to eat lunch together. getting to that point i felt nervous as to what i was going to do. my brain is a loose cannon at times and it doesn’t take much to make myself do things i think of. so my nervousness was warranted. i played out the scene in my head one last time before i arrived. i had come up with a good plan, a good speech, a good gesture. and i waited for her to arrive.


she walked through the door and everything i had thought of vanished. she was too much for me. i couldn’t think of all the things i thought about because while she was right there in front of me, all i could think of was her. she is that special. that amazing.


time passed by too quickly, there just didn’t seem to be enough of it to get to a point where i could say the things i wanted without them feeling rehearsed. so i never said them. besides it was all things she had heard before (not that i am unwilling to repeat them).

and she left.





it’s about 4 weeks later and we have written each other a couple of times since then. i’m not one to dwell, but she is still on my mind. i miss her so much. i wish we had the opportunity to make this work. i know that she cares about me. i was going to say that i wish i knew specifically how she cares about me, but the truth is that while i suppose it matters, i don’t care. that feels like it’s enough to keep going, to keep trying, to hang on to everything that i’ve ever had and be willing to give it all to her. this doesn’t feel over yet.


you know how i feel about you.