try.
i’ve been on this earth a while now, and it still amazes me when i meet people that aren’t sure of themselves and what they can do. but it seems that a lot of people just don’t try to do things. sometimes out of fear, sometimes out of previous failure, and whatever other million reasons there might be. we all have limitations, but life is not about living up to those limitations, it’s about going past them and getting better. well, not all lives i suppose, maybe just the worthwhile ones. being afraid is no reason to not try. fear is good, it keeps us safe, especially beneficial when we were hunting mammoths and sabertooth tigers were in the world. But what is it keeping us safe from now? our feelings being hurt? our pride? chins up people! if that is the worst of it, then please bring it my way.
so much of this entire blog was written about one girl. i wanted her. i still do if you’d like a present tense update. there are a lot of dynamics involved in this thing with her and i, maybe it was all conjured in my brain and not in hers, but the fact is that it exists for me so therefore it is real. but a lot of reasons to hide the things i felt. a lot of reasons to not go after her. but she was the world to me, and i wanted to be happy with her. she was worth going after no matter what the risk was, for her i was willing to start all over. i had to try to give her all that i had.
nothing ever came of that romantic pursuit except distance and a bruised heart. maybe a bit of delusion mixed in as well.
but i had to try. i had to find out, and no matter what the outcome was or would have been, i think i’m better off. i’m a better person now than i was then. and i think that is important, the risk exists to be hurt after any failure, but you need to be willing to take that same attempt again. you can’t close yourself off to it if it doesn’t work out the first time. fall off the horse, dust yourself off, and climb back on that horse. you can’t retreat from the pain, and you shouldn’t try to hide from it by not putting yourself back in it’s domain. maybe it’s not romantic (although i’m pretty sure everybody feels this way about somebody), maybe you wanted to jump off a cliff, or hang-glide, or buy a house, or take a road trip, or ask a girl to dance, or whatever. make your life better.
just try.
October 29, 2008 at 7:11 pm |
is it real for you? has there been enough time and change in circumstances for you to allow yourself to be free of the fear that makes you want to hide?
Here is what I would want from you, if i were her, assuming of course, that the two of you did have mutual feelings and attraction for each other. You would have to feel comfortable enough with yourself and me to admit that you are not perfect, that you have faults, fears, doubts, weaknesses, strengths, pride, desires, dreams and so on. You would really appreciate the opportunity to be able to share these things openly. And of course, I would have to be the only person in your romantic picture and you would never tell me a lie, else I would have to cut your tongue out.
I don’t think two people even have to share much in common except for their love, respect for each other and basic values. When we expect so much of others then perhaps it is just a reflection on what we see missing in ourselves. If the other person were a hopeless case we wouldn’t likely have much respect or attraction towards them in the first place. Then there is a matter of how the other person makes us feel when we are both around other people. Are they an embarrassment? Too loud, too stupid, too rude, too sloppy, too boring, too shy, too outgoing, too perfect. Who is to say what the perfect fit might be.
I agree with you in that sitting back in fear, missing out on life is the worse thing we can do to ourselves. For that reason, if something really ( I mean really) seems worth while then I would not hesitate to take a chance, even if it meant making a fool of myself. I make a fool of myself all the time and it can be a lot of fun. I don’t believe in being a pushy sort though. So there are some limits to how far I would go. Though I have gone way past my limits, this aspect contradicts my true self. Just as I would not want someone getting up into my face or crowding me, I would not want to do this to another. Everyone should have complete freedom to make their own choices and feel confident in taking the necessary actions to obtain the most satisfaction out of life.
November 1, 2008 at 6:12 am |
that was a new one. he was hungry this morning and didn’t leave until the other people came. He didn’t go high enough to be able to use the force and suprise element when coming down on them in the water. Have seen one dive or just a fly over but never this repeated attempt. The ducks seem so stupid. They all followed him around the pond, even when he landed next to the edge of the water. When he dove at them they acted as if they were afraid but when he was still they went to where he was.
November 1, 2008 at 11:05 am |
wow that was some hot hunan beef! rarely do i eat beef except the occasional carryout. paid down today on some new windows for the other house. those old ones had to go. keep looking at all that has to be done and think to myself, why me? if i don’t get a prioritized to-do-list put together soon I may never get started on the work. There is just something about those lists that motivates and keeps me on track. (ok, I don’t want to hear it. I have done a little bit of work already).
they pushed more people into the street again last week. Just don’t feel secure about that place anymore. All the more reason to get these houses ready for likely sale when the market is right. How are things where you are? I suppose I would want to move to Calif where I have family, should I need to look for another job in the future. How does San Fran sound if you didn’t have to worry about the cost of housing/rent? The place sure seems nice and different enough. Well it could be a starting point at least since going out west is such a big move. This place feels more and more like a dead end rust belt. I to have been stuck on the same girl for a while now but can’t seem to get her to “really” let me know what she “really” feels. It’s not as if she wouldn’t have my full attention if she wanted to talk over dinner or something. She keeps finding excuses to not get serious in our communication. It is so frustrating because I would like to see if we might have a chance at some kind of future. I’m not going to pressure her anymore than I already have though.
November 2, 2008 at 4:47 am |
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GPbWJPsBPdA
This boy certainly doesn’t need any bright feathers to get my admiration. The more I experience of their world, the less I’m impressed by our world. It is not likely that I would feel any loneliness if I were to ever have the opportunity to leave our world in order to join them. Do you think that these films should eliminate the human shots of intrusion.