we use the world the way we were built to. no apologies. no sacrifice. no need to ask. we are what we are.
the world turns and churns and burns under our feet. it does so with no help from us.
but love. we can slow it down and speed it up and slow it down and speed it up. this is what it is. in a moment it comes crashing down without warning, and just as quick the screeching halt. and it begins again. the lumbering and the stutter. it is enough to know that it has the ability to never end.
no end. how can this end. it doesn’t. even if it isn’t still pumping blood through your heart, still tugging at those aortic ropes, it never leaves. it never gives up. how can you forget? you can only remember the way it burns itself in. impossible and indelible. it is a secret that we can’t hope to forget. that we can’t ever let go of. we wouldn’t. we shouldn’t.
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Let me hang on to you with everything
stay with me a moment longer
Pull this sheet over your shoulders
shudder in the cool air
my hand falls across the small of your back
I try to grasp your skin steal your warmth
one last time before it never ends
February 4, 2009 at 5:24 am |
Why can’t I reach you Mo? What am I doing wrong? I can’t see you, I can’t hear you. Needless to say, I can’t touch you. You are so far away, but then you aren’t really, Mo. Is there any way to escape this fantasy land before I have to move on? Is your heart split into pieces or is it available its entirety? Tell me Mo, how serious are you about taking a chance on love and commitment? And if you were serious, you would have acted upon your opportunity long ago. Don’t you agree? We are both guilty of many things, that is nothing new. Don’t think for a minute that either of us is guilty of stupidity or naivety. Would we want to be? There are much better directions to follow with or without, that I am sure of. A person needs to prove to another who they really are before anything can start, that you can be sure of. Oh no Mo. You would need to be the one who steps up to bat first(just do it if you want to dammiittt), and I don’t think there would be any sheets there for either to hide under.
February 5, 2009 at 11:43 am |
i feel a bit skeptical that you are in fact who i have been talking about. for one thing the syntax doesn’t feel correct. but if in fact you were who you are supposed to be, you know as much as you don’t know. but the important thing is that at the root of everything, you understand what i feel and why. no more amount of words could really do it any justice.
and if you are not who you say you are, it just feels repetitive to answer these specific questions, in light of the fact that i’ve answered them endlessly, and continue to answer even the ones that have yet to be asked, with each post of this blog.
but if you want a specific response, let me know and i will oblige you.
pardon my weariness, but i don’t like when people play pretend with my life.
February 5, 2009 at 3:00 pm |
Don’t take it wrong. I always talk to people I don’t know on the internet. NOT. They appear to be the “E” people I think they are, but who knows when you never even meet them. I am still clueless about all of it, about you, about everyone, about life in general. I have had so many extreme disappointments in my life over the past few years that I am starting to think that is all life is going to bring my way from now on. That is the honest whole story here. It would only be my own fault, my own stupidity to fall into the trap of thinking that I know someone through communications on the internet. It is too unreal. Anyone who really wanted to get to know someone else would surely find another way. I find it really discouraging and I can’t help but to be leery of the entire process. It has felt as though someone wants to always conceal something from the other as a result. I have nothing to hide from people that I care about. I may have things that are none of the world’s business though. And I am very particular about who I would even call a friend, much less more than just a friend. There are different people around me and I can’t always tell things apart when things are done in the dark. I have seen what appears to be compassion towards me but then I have seen other actions which I don’t accept or understand at all. No one wants to step up to tell me anything really. I don’t understand why someone breaks into my parked car & moves my inside mirror all the time, or why they have done things around outside of my house, or why there is spy ware on work/home computer. There are at least 2 different people with nothing in common who could be responsible. I would hope that my silly stuff was never taken as a mean gesture. More like a fun tease or sport. I have an open mind for what is harmless and unconventional. No one gets more fed up, bored or downright pissed about many things than I do. Stirring things up is a requirement for survival. The person who I think you are knows how to reach me, to set me straight on my doubts. I would more than welcome that. It would not happen on a blog that is for sure. I am not an “internet person”. That is what I have been waiting for and trying to get across without having said this much. The delay I have experienced would make anyone give up or think malicious behavior could be a potential factor. I would prefer to think of a more positive outcome than this. You are correct. In double speakish terms, I don’t know as much as I do know. I’ve had enough of the pretend. For that matter, I am sick of it and think that I am worthy of better. Even if my life sucks now & I have nothing more to offer any other human than just my simple self. Here, I will give you a hint as to who I am, one of my names starts with the letter M. All you have to do is step forward off this blog, that is all I ask, sorry for your weariness and the intrusion.
February 14, 2009 at 5:30 pm |
Just wondered where you have been for so long. Are you having fun today on this “V” day? Silly stuff isn’t it? Bet you have someone to keep you company unlike some of us out here. Hope you figure out your love situation someday, after reading your blog it sure looks confusing between the two different girls. In my case, I think I shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up for something to ever change. It is my own stupidity I guess.
February 16, 2009 at 8:11 am |
we are the only ones responsible for the stupidity our hearts create for us. but truthfully, it is what makes life better than being horses and cattle and birds. it is what make us human. we have the ability to make things so important when in reality they really aren’t. but in fact they really are.
it is that conundrum that creates a life above mere living. it creates a life that is more than us just going through the motions, it is really what defines life and allows us to create everything and be everything that we have strived to be since the dawn of our higher living.
confusing? yes. we are what we are because of our capacity to be what we can.