Listen to the things we can hear. Watch the things we can see.

musica-

so among other things i recently received, i just got the new cold war kids ‘loyalty to loyalty’ Their first album was pretty good, it had some strong single tracks, along with some songs that were a bit lack luster. But what they did have when things were working as well as possible, was a great sound that didn’t sound overly orchestrated yet not trendily stripped down to some bare bones. If i had to equate it to something, there was a late sixties sound along the lines of the kinks or the doors. but i don’t. so while they have an old sort of sound underlying a lot of their songs, there is something more contemporary than that. There is a more danceable cadence to it all. So this new album does away with the not so good songs and replaces them with all pretty good quality songs, lots of jangly reverbed guitars, clean tight drumming and a throbbing bass line. The vocals have a whiny quality to them, but don’t let it put you off, it is not at all annoying. I think a lot of that has to do because he seems to know his range and keeps his voice in check and uses it rather adeptly. The songs are catchy and don’t feel like fluff, there is a nice seriousness to the sound that cold war kids have, and i expect them to get better and better with each new release. Keep your ears tuned to this group and give a listen to ‘loyalty to loyalty’ its a good album that crosses a lot of moods and is a success from start to finish.

My Morning Jacket has been a longtime favorite of mine. They always put together interesting albums, ‘Z’ probably being their most popular, although i’m sort of torn between Z and ‘at dawn’. Their new album ‘Evil Urges’ isn’t really a retread of what they do, nor is it a departure. All the things that make the bands albums so good, the vocals, the guitar, the southern inflection, is all intact. Some tracks veer around, but not at all in a bad way, every bit of this album is interesting and fun to listen to. The title track is a great song, it seems to go in a lot of directions but makes everything work. There is a great pacing to their songwriting, long enough to get into, but not enough to lose the listener. maybe highly suspicious is a throw away song, but i think it works in the context of the whole album, just throwing us a curve ball, but it won’t end up on any mixes anytime soon for me.


but even great albums end up with a song or two that aren’t nearly as good as the rest. case in point, Feist’s Sea Lion Woman on her Reminder album is a track worth skipping. And reading other reviews of MMJ’s evil urges, i’m reminded of the reviews of Wilco’s Sky Blue Sky. It’s hard to come out with an album that will be as critically acclaimed and well received as Yankee Foxtrot Hotel, but sky blue sky is great in its own right. And i think MMJ are in a similar territory with this new album.


And in case you didn’t know every album in those last 2 paragraphs need to be in your music collection already. go get them if you don’t have them. and just to clarify there were 6 albums mentioned.




Let’s change the pace a bit. Raphael Saadiq just came out with a fantastic new album ‘The Way I See It’. Saadiq has been making music for a while and was a part of tony toni tone in the 80s and early 90s, and later was a part of lucy pearl along with dawn from en vogue and ali shaheed muhammad form a tribe called quest around 2000. All along the way he had been a solo artist in his own right. A solid singer songwriter who has worked with the top artists in the neo soul/ r&b / hip hop genre. He had a great album with ‘instant vintage’. But oh my god!!! this new one ‘the way i see it’ is so perfect an album. It is everything that music needs to be. This is on par with marvin and al. I cannot tell you enough how good this is. I want so bad to see him perform after this album. I’m a huge fan of the heyday of soul, and i feel that this album is a great thing that has its hands rooted firmly in that sound, making no bones about referring back to it, yet feels way ahead of what R&B has been offering up for the last 10+ years. GO BUY THIS NOW.


and if you liked this go pick up some DAP tone records, notably Sharon Jones and the Dap kings ‘100 days & 100 nights’


And maybe you saw the MTV video awards. at the end of the show Kanye did a new song off his upcoming album ‘808s & heartbreaks’. The song ‘love lockdown’ was great, and will soon suffer from being overplayed, so listen to it now, get sick of it, ditch it, then listen to it in a few years and enjoy it all over again. Kanye, all his antics aside, is a great producer and makes great tracks. He has a good sense of what sounds good and is really honing in on the things that are a part of the time. And i think the most interesting thing about kanye is that he understands that he is less an artist that is recording and documenting culture, and more an artist that is actually creating culture.


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so that’s a bunch of music that hopefully will sound interesting somebody other than me.


Television-


I don’t have cable where i’m at, so that is a real bummer, and i really love TV. I think that it is an infinitely interesting medium. More so than movies at time. TV has to work in the limitations of time frame, censorship, and the need to span 20 or so episodes and multiple seasons. Movies have the grandeur and flash and the ability to not have to keep your attention past the run of the movie. TV shows have to be interesting enough to keep you tuned in to the end, but enough to make you come back next week or next season. and on top of that it has to be accessible for everyone, nothing too esoteric. and since i try to write as much as i can, i think that pursuing writing a television show is in my future at some point . anyway, new fall shows, new fun. by the way, i tape my shows at my cousins and watch them there.


So the office is back and is as good as it ever was. But really, talking about this one and how good it is, is like talking about breathing. there’s really no need to as long everything is happening the way it should, and there is no surprise that anyone is watching it.


I’m super excited about the return of 30 rock. it is one of the best written, zaniest shows ever. It is on the same level as the adventures of pete and pete, the venture brothers, and arrested development. I think that the daringness to push the limitations of what is sane, and present us with some really crazy situations and off the wall comedic riffs, is a hard thing to do right, and 30 rock does it great. everything about this show is made to make us laugh, and it works. where shows like the office tug on the sentiments of being so heartbreakingly realistic, 30 rock goes the other direction and pushes the surreal into a viable TV pacing.


Along with these shows ‘my name is earl’ comes back as well. I really feel that this ship has sailed. It does have it’s funny moments, no denying that, and everyone involved is excellent. But there is something too sappy about the show, and it made itself really evident last season. And i know that the premise of the show is about the guy redeeming himself through being a better person, but it feels too close to an afterschool special and too preachy at times. I find myself skipping this show more often than not.


But then a show like ‘how i met your mother’ in all its predictable-ness is enjoying. Maybe it has to do with the fact that i am the same age as the people that are in the show. I guess i’m a yuppy now. But the key to the show has to be how well everyone works together on that show, and more so, neil patrick harris is amazing on it. It’s not groundbreaking by any means, really just a bit of a friends retread, but it is fun to watch. and the new show ‘worst week’ is off to a fun start, although i don’t know how long i could watch an otherwise likable guy keep messing up in front of the inlaws, it was done pretty successfully in ‘meet the parents’. but i’ll tune in and see how it goes.


And i have yet to watch the new season of ‘the new adventures of old christine’ but that show is always fun to watch.


And another returning show is ‘Life’. The first season was a great watch that took an interesting take on the police style drama. each episode self contained yet expanding on a larger story. It is well written and witty. I’m excited to see this come back, hopefully it will find a groove that it can fit into and will be around for a few seasons. Plus the lead actress, sarah shahi, is beautiful, not that that would be reason enough to watch a show, it’s just nice to see multicultural people in the public eye redefining the ideas of aesthetics.


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libros-


I just picked up Chuck Klosterman’s new novel ‘downtown owl’. And while i haven’t had time to start reading it, it should be good. Klosterman is a great writer that has a natural ease and playfulness to his words. Sex drugs and cocopuffs was great, all the stuff he’s written for spin and esquire was great, in fact i kept all my spins that he had articles in for a long time just so i could reread his essays. So i’m really interested in finding out how he does with writing fiction. as soon as i get around to cracking it open i’ll let you know.


I love taschen art books! ART NOW (volumes 1 & 2) are great surveys of contemporary art, i’m super excited about the upcoming release of art now vol 3. one day i hope i’m in an art book. I’m working on my cool portrait that goes in the corner of the page i’ll be on. haha. But tashcen is great because they often sell a rereleased version of their books for a discounted price (usually 10-15 dollars) I just picked up terryworld and architecture now for super cheap at the local big name bookstore. check out their website and look through what they offer, it’s all top notch stuff. you won’t be disappointed.


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comida-



I have been on an indian and thai kick recently. nothing more to say really, just that it is so good. mmmmm curry, naan, pad see yew, thai iced tea. mango lassi.


and now i’m thinking greek food sounds good


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that’s a bunch of stuff that is hanging out in my life right now. enjoy.

hello, in my yearning, never allowing malleable emotions, I slighted my attempts rather knowingly.

home again for a moment.



the funny thing about coming home is that i am just a normal person.


Up in school, i’m an artist and teacher. i am a person of great influence and part of the public spectacle. I’m a purveyor of culture and culturally important thinking. I am someone that people pay attention to. I am no glory hound, i just am commanding because of the role that people know me to fill. I’m down to earth about the whole art thing. i don’t feel like art should be exclusive and insular, but i know that it is. So i make an effort to normalize it, but i know that i can’t completely walk away from some of the things that make art difficult, for example the way that i talk about art. Art speak is often lofty and very esoteric, which does nothing to help include lay people into art. And while i often veer into that kind of talk, i make a conscious effort to be more simple when i talk about art, or at least alter the way i talk according to who i am speaking to. But yeah, art rock star? maybe, but a cool rock star, not the kind that won’t chill out with people that like them.


But back at home i’m just a normal person. I’m not the artist par excellance that i am when i’m away (and i’m saying that sort of tongue in cheekly, sort of.) I’m just my mom’s son, who’s room is still in need of a good cleaning and that i should take out the trash without having to be asked and where is the tape measure because no one can find it and i was the last one that used it 3 years ago. so just sort of normal. they don’t think i’m any more special than i already am.

it’s all sorts of sobering.


but in a good way, not ego deflating to the point of detriment way.


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i want you all to know that it doesn’t take much. i feel often that i am at a loss for knowing what is going to happen, and that turns into a low level of hopelessness. it’s just that being unsure does not allow for my assuredness. i know that sounds obvious. i am not sad about this at all, just confused. maybe curious. curious to see how the future pans out. but it doesn’t take much as i said. just these glimmers of hope, of interest in my direction, are all i need to keep pushing on. not at all trudging, more boldly making my way forward interested in each step, not burdened by them. i can see it, without knowing what it is. you(her) give me hope that i want to hold on to. you(her) make me want to keep going. let’s enjoy this crazy.

it’s all very close now that we’ve stopped going further.

it never ceases to amaze me to think that i might be an adult. or that i might resemble an adult somehow. i’m placed in a position where i am teaching school to people who are much younger and inexperienced than me, i make good enough money(better money than i’ve ever made), i talk and write with a level of aptitude i have heretofore not had, i am an uncle to nephews and nieces in the way that i had uncles when i was younger. i have this adult life. and yet i still remember being a kid. i still think of those times as not too long ago. so much of growing up feels like hanging on to what we can. i’m trying to keep it all, maintain some balance in all the cacophony of life experience. and maybe i am lucky. growing up, i had older cousins and younger cousins. all very close, like a gigantic set of siblings to be raised with. And maybe being right in the middle of it all gave me the chance to experience life in some sort of 3 way wave. i got to watch people get older before i ever had to. i got to go through aging myself. i get to watch young people be young, reminding me constantly what that might have been. It’s a storied life. and it starts to spiral further as my cousins have kids and we become the adults, and the adults they become even older. it’s strange to think that way. i have been aware for a long time of the idea of mortality in concern to my parents. i knew that it was inevitable at some point, but it felt like that was for old people. and now i’m older and they are old people, and that scares me. i know it will all happen at some point, that that is life. but it’s still frightening to think that. and not really scary because i’m scared of my own mortality, just not wanting to lose someone. but this isn’t about watching my parents turn towards old age.

My cousins, first cousins, were all raised together. my mom served as a kind of den-mother for us all, carting us around in her giant white van. we were more than just cousins, they are my siblings. they are my brothers and sisters, and there is no division or separation. We are always together in some sort of combination. And more often than not, people find this dynamic foreign to them, that they were never too close to their cousins. And for us that would be like second cousins. people we would see often enough but never really consistently, only on the occasional christmas or wedding or anniversary; even though they lived in the same city or area as us.


and growing up we would get together first and second cousins alike (along with everyone else) and we would try to find people we could relate to. This was often determined by life on this planet, so like-aged cousins would hang out with like aged cousins. and i was at least 5 years older or younger than any of my first cousins, so that often meant that they were looking to ditch me or me them. but with the second cousins there was one other person my age, jennifer.


we would hang out and play and do things that kids do. and i can’t remember or really pinpoint what that might be, but it was fun and i have fond thoughts of that time. maybe it was tag or hide-and-go-seek. something. and she seemed so cool to me. we were pretty close.


after my family had moved away, we would see less and less of that extended side of the family, but at the very least would here of news from word of mouth or some other venue. and honestly, in a family as large as mine, there is always someone getting married or having a special anniversary or dying (i know a bit morbid) that we end up gathering even briefly. but i knew what jennifer was up to. she was doing things and doing them well. excelling at school, graduating from college on time, getting a job, getting married, having kids. the whole adult experience. and here i was doing what i do best. spinning wheels. in comparison, my life is still childish.

but back to feeling like an adult. i found out this weekend that jennifer had a mastectomy, and is undergoing chemo for the next year. this is blowing my mind. i know that everyone is at risk of getting cancer, or any disease for that matter, at any point in their lives, but it’s still shocking to hear about it when it’s someone who is a ‘real’ peer, someone who i could truly compare life with, and more so family. i sort of felt that this was for older people. and i’m starting to wonder if that’s me now. but i hope it all goes well. i hope that she gets better. she’s a good person and i keep her in my thoughts.

so i don’t know if all this makes me a bonafide adult. i don’t even know what that might entail. there might be something about the complexity of life; the heartache and the triumph. i’m not sure and all the adults i’ve asked just laughed at me (thanks mom).





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so that’s the reason for the pause between posts. went to go do some fam-stuff.


i don’t get easily discouraged. i know that not everyone is on the same page. that we all think different things, and i truly believe that that is what makes life interesting. i’m always up for life.

and this weekend also included a stop to open house at the art center in pasadena. i went to go look at the students in the masters program, and i would have to say that it was what i sort of expected. i think hubris towards my own work is the reason that i feel that a majority of the work was not that interesting. but that is not to say that it is bad, just that i wasn’t interested in some of it. and i know that open studios is not an ideal sort of venue. believe me because i had to go through it myself. but there was work that really stood out, and that was exciting. i think one of the more interesting pieces was a sound/projection/sculptural installation that used motion sensors to start up. Another good piece was a window blinds/ light/ music installation. the paintings were decent enough. and there were a few really good sculptures. all in all it was a decent amount of work, with a few decent pieces. i would recommend to you all to go check out local schools art shows, especially with graduate thesis shows coming up, and undergraduate shows as well. You don’t need to know a thing about art to just look at it. plus there are usually refreshments served. it’s a lot of fun. basically it’s a party with nicer decorations. if you’re in southern california, the number of grad shows should be through the roof, there are about 10 schools all with top notch programs, so hopefully top notch art as well, and so there should be a lot of activity this month and next. (if you’re at all curious i can help you out, just let me know)

i have more things to talk about. about love and life and all that good stuff. i’m just waiting for it to happen still.

unless you can’t, halt yourself from trying to love the idea of love.

I wonder when it is that i will stop. I wonder when i will stop wanting what i want, wanting to feel a certain way. when will those things change? but maybe i need clarity to what it is i want.

it feels like a long time ago, but i met a girl, and we fell for each other. it was an amazing thing. i am no jilted lover, i am no unrequited piner, i am a person who acts openly and honestly and meaningfully. Would it have been better to have let it all go when she wanted to leave. instead i gave her a reason to stay, i showed her the person i truly am capable of being, and she knew that she wanted to be with me. so where did that love go after it had left and came back? when did it change after it had stopped being love and turned back into it? Where is it now, now that my life is different, now that i’m not holding on so dearly, so tightly. i was willing to let go once, after i realized i could not force someone to love me back, but that feeling never left. that fear i had of losing love was so strong, but to let that go was liberating, to be no longer a victim of the way the heart pulls at its own strings, the way that it sways your life like a tiny toy boat in the ocean, it wasn’t the boss of me. I finally felt like i was in control. but i was wrong. it still tugs and sways and turns me over. now, i’m just more willing to let go, knowing that i’ll be alive at the end, knowing that i’ll survive, and that no matter the severity of the scars that remain, i’ll come back able to use my heart, able to feel, willing to love again.

And in a moment, a split second of my life, i meet someone else, someone other than my other. Ini, her name that i gave her here, became something. someone to hope for, someone to cloud my dreams and occupy my thoughts. i knew that i was heading towards these feelings, but what could i do to stop them. it had felt that the trajectory was set, that i was going to feel the way i feel, no matter what i had done. And i was frightened. i was afraid of forcing a moment, losing a friend, overstepping my boundaries, being a cad, hurting feelings, bruising my ego, diminishing my pride, and there are many others i could list. but the one thing i wasn’t afraid of, but maybe i should have been cautious of, was falling in love. and that is what happened. i could tell you all the reasons that she was worthwhile to fall for, but that is mine, that is for me and her to know.

i fell for a girl in a moment, when on the other side of my world i was falling out with another. but none of that had solidity, had any foundations. It was all, and still is a fluid thing. this life is not static, nor is it set in stone. it has no path, it will go where it goes, i can try to steer it, try to divert it, but i am at its mercy.

and i told ini, i told her how i felt, how i was willing to risk all that i was afraid of for her. and in return she said things that were reasonable and understandable. she spoke with clarity and grace, and it made my actions feel brash and misguided. but they aren’t, they weren’t. I try to mean what i say and say what i mean, i prescribe to an economy of words (although that may not be apparent here) and try to be sincere with utmost sincerity. But the things she said, i’m not sure what it means, because in my mind, as it races and retraces the syllables hitting my ear, i dig in deep into semantics and context. The conversation we had had takes on nuances that may or may not have existed, that may or may not have been concocted in my head. And i am yearning for simplicity, and completely mortified of it. A ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ feels so decisive and permanent. Where are the grey areas? But the truth is it is those grey areas are what mess me up. It makes me make up hunches, it lets me play with the permutations, and lets me make hypotheses that probably would never occur.

So where does it end. Where did it even begin. I have such strong feelings for ini, but there are so many circumstances that could prevent reciprocation. And i think that at the top of my list i play with the idea of how she ultimately feels about me. is she as conflicted as i am, albeit not for the same reasons but conflicted nonetheless, or is this easy. I like to think that i am not so crazy as to think that she has something stirring inside of her for me. that there is some sort of mutual desire towards one another, and that i am not so me strange person who over reads a situation, who misunderstood simple friendliness as something more. i want to believe that she cares for me, that she might even like me, might even want me.

Maybe i am that misunderstanding guy, and if that were the case, i’m not sure that that would be all that bad. i am capable of hoping that i could have something grand, even if that were so unfathomable. what do we have if we have no hope.

But then where does it end. Wanting her. wanting to be with her. that might be moot. that might not ever be in the cards. when do i give up hope. hoping that this might be amazing if we ever get to the point of letting it be more amazing than it already has been. and it has been amazing. i want to amplify that to some ultimate proportions. And in my head, one of those hypotheses, is the idea that maybe it’s not right right now. maybe somewhere down the road, in some future tense, we will be amazing together.


and i wonder if that is a problem. because when does hope give up. if not now, if with the prospect of maybe later, when? do i even need hope to give up? i don’t want to think that this is some sort of feeling that i can quit. because it isn’t. she is

would it be easier to know that she won’t ever love me?



i have nothing to say about that.











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so something new to listen to, maybe not new to you, not even new to me, but new in terms of me writing it down here, and hopefully you maybe reading it.


ZZ Hill ‘that aint the way you make love’ is a great song. it was used on madvillian’s ‘fancy clown’ and Kon&Amir ‘off track 6′, which are both amazing amazing things to listen to if you haven’t heard them. But the original is a hard plea to make things better. And listening to it makes me think of Marvin Gayes’ ‘Save the Children-God is Love-Mercy Mercy Me’ trilogy off of the What’s Going On album. But Hill has a good simple voice that recalls redding and bobby womack. And since i’m on a roll, listen to Bobby Womack’s “the womack live/safety zone” album (you can get it on itunes). I found this tape in my garage, the womack live one, way back in 94, it must have been my dad’s or my uncle’s from the 70s, and it changed my world. For anyone that is into performers, this album is a tight lesson in how to work the crowd. I would have loved to have been in that new orleans hall back in 197(?). The safety zone part is ok, but the live one makes this worth buying. I still have the tape, although i’ve had to change the plastic casing twice. That’s how good it is, and i don’t even have a working tape player anymore.



I like to think that i might know what an interesting image is. I am an art teacher after all. Although in my experience, being an art teacher does not always mean a person is qualified at knowing what is good or bad. But that being said, i enjoy photography, although i am not at all skilled in it, so my efforts tend to be more haphazard. But here are some images that i have taken.

just tell me what you want and i’ll give you it all.

for whatever reason i haven’t talked about art in any way whatsoever on any of these posts. I am an artist and a i am a teacher, but these posts have been mainly about a girl and a guy. I feel that if i were to talk about my art in some way, it would reveal myself at a rate that i don’t want to have occur. I still cower a bit behind the ability to be anonymous. It still allows me to be frank and open, something that i would be remiss to do if i were completely exposed, for personal and professional reasons. But i love art. I love making art. there are few things in this world that concern me more than art. But in the grander scope of things, art is such a trifle fanciful thing to be engaged in. It is essentially entertainment, and nothing more. While it has the ability to elicit deeper, more thoughtful tangents to occur, art at its root is for our enjoyment. And that does not singularly mean that art should make us happy. We don’t only see movies that make us laugh, we see things that make us cry, but there is something that is enjoyable in what it is that we are witnessing. Art is that, and that is art. I see no separation.

But art, in all its forms, is a vehicle for the viewer to place themselves and their personal histories, their education, their entire catalogue of experiences into it. It serves as an entry point that allows the audience to advance to a destination that they get to themselves. The artist, author/creator, has the responsibility to be intelligent enough to use the devices of visual language in a way that does not pander, yet does not go above the heads of the audience. There has to be an honesty in the gestures that are displayed. I’m not at all touchy-feely or hippy-ish when it comes to art, but it does have to come from inside of the person. Don’t construe that as making art about your feelings, what that means is that the artist has to honestly enjoy what it is they make. it’s that simple. make stuff you like. maybe other people will like it, maybe they won’t. oh well. don’t make work that tries to be something that it isn’t.


it sounds so simple. so easy to agree with, but so many people have such a hard time reinvesting themselves into art after they become inundated with the idea that it has to mean something on a greater level of profundity. it can. but it doesn’t have to.


i feel like i’m airing my grievances. i feel that with teaching, i find more people that don’t have a natural way about them. for whatever reason (probably some romantic notion of how artists should be and think) students tend to overreach when they make work, or they are just lazy (but that’s an entirely different thing), they try to go for these broad topics that other artists have made a career exploring. I think that might be good to be that ambitious, but you also have to be realistic. What most people lack could be described as an easy-genius. Just a natural way of handling themselves and being confident in what they produce.


Ini has this quality. such an ease and grace at the things she does. such a level of confidence in her ability to do something worth doing, even though she doesn’t feel confident at times. It’s an attractive quality. people gravitate to others who are successful, we align ourselves with those we respect. So it’s natural to have jumped into some strange attempt at courtship with her. (that word courtship sounds so bizarre and anachronistic) I was initially attracted to that innate talent she harbored. I saw in her, things i saw in myself. is that narcissistic? a bit, yes. But she poses some insane level of potential, and i wanted to watch it happen. like some sort of supernova or big bang about to happen. And in my experience, i had yet to see someone exist at that level that early on. And furthermore, in art, you can’t have enough people as friends. Even though it is an insular world to exist in (the art world), you need people to look out for you and that you would look out for them. friends keep you honest and keep you working and help you when you need it. It feels impossible to make art in a bubble. it doesn’t feel worth it.


My life, for the last 7 years, has been dedicated to art. it is everything. but yet it isn’t. At the end of it all, i may love art, but by no means is art better than love. this life i have eked out, this thing i have made, this amazing thing, is worth more than painting or sculpture. I told someone before that i would give up art for love. I know that my life is impossible to divorce from art, that art has made me the person i am. but so had love. i make art, i am an artist because of love. luckily the person i said that to would never ask me to choose because they knew that art had made me this way. I know that that might not make sense. i know it rambles, but both of them are irrational, and have no solidity for me to place a proper definition onto, and that’s why it is forever written about ad nauseum. I want you to know that it’s all real. that i can make as much sense of it as i can make no sense of it…

go forward in bold steps that satisfy your desire for progress

Dreams often escape me. I have no way of knowing they happen. and they are gone as soon as i know they might have occurred.


but i just dreamt of you. of her. of her and i. I dreamt that she rested her head against my back, and asked to stay there, to not move. And she fell asleep. not in my arms. my arms couldn’t stretch in that direction. but her arms were around me. Standing upright with our feet in sand and the sun setting causing the amber wash to turn everything a warm tan. All my hands could do were help secure your arms to my body, ensure adhesion.


There was more to the dream. The act of getting to this place. No one knew us, we had stolen away northwards with no plan or destination, and we stopped for a moment. And in that moment we realized that we had made it far enough.





Then i woke. calmly pulled out of sleep. Peacefully. not the way life is disjointed when the huge split between deep sleep and awake come crashing in to one another. but more like the moment of a nap when you become bored of sleep and roll up in one motion to awake. it’s a good feeling. It makes me wish i dreamt more often.


Something specific about something else. music.


In the rolling moment from dream to real life that just occurred, I was met with the album “Ramda” by Mice Parade. Specifically track 2 “Distant”. This album is a sprawling melodic encounter. It meanders in ways that makes you want to take the long way home, maybe hoping to never get there. It lulls you as much as it excites. Listen to it.


But lately, in fully awake mode i’ve been switching back and forth between a couple MF Doom albums “mmm food” and “operation doomsday”, Vampire Weekend’s eponymous album, Feist “monarch”, and the last Electrelane album we will ever hear “No shouts no calls”



I want to describe them to you. I want to tell you to go listen and have them. Is listing them enough. Do you trust my musical tastes? Do i have to convince you. I prescribe to Ellington’s belief of two types of music, good and bad. I try my hardest to stay on one side of that line.


I remember being younger, investing myself into music. Continually searching for something obscure or new, so i could lay some ownership over it. So i could claim that it was mine. I would covet what i found, I wouldn’t share. Partly because I didn’t feel people deserved it because I had worked so hard to get there, to that point. But also because I didn’t want people to use this thing i shared as leverage on other people. I didn’t want to let people lord over it, because they knew it and someone else didn’t. It doesn’t make you cool that you can point out someone that’s not hip to what’s what. However, now is different. I want the world to hear what i hear, maybe up the ante on people’s expectations. And visual art is no different. Ini’s mom said it in a letter to me, “art is supposed to be shared”.


I had long taken the same stance, just in a more clumsy worded way. It involved equating art made for yourself as being frivolous for me to engage in, so why show it off. Why not keep it in your closet and pull it out when you need to feel good about yourself. We make these things so people can see them, we make things to disseminate them out into the world for public consumption. Sure this has more to do with reception theory than with sharing music, but the musician and the artist are the same. We all try to scramble to put ourselves out there. And i think as an artist I’m trying to alter the visual landscape. I’m trying to make it better. More enjoyable.


Same thing with this writing. Put it out in the world for people to get behind. I have no high hopes, but i like to think that i’m doing something you can believe in.



so whatever, go listen to what i listen to. give it a shot.